Why Do I Keep Doing the Same Things? Understanding the Patterns That Keep Us Stuck
Have you ever found yourself doing something you promised yourself you’d never do again?
Perhaps you said yes to something you really didn’t want to do.
Perhaps you apologised for something that wasn’t your fault.
Perhaps you found yourself worrying about what somebody thought of you, even though you told yourself you weren’t going to care anymore.
Or perhaps you’ve spent years putting everybody else’s needs before your own, telling yourself that one day you’ll start making time for yourself.
And every time it happens, you think:
“Why do I keep doing this?”
I think it’s a question so many of us ask ourselves.
And I also think we can be incredibly hard on ourselves when we don’t seem able to change.
We tell ourselves we need more willpower.
More discipline.
More confidence.
But sometimes, the reason we keep repeating a behaviour is much more complicated than simply making a different decision.
The beliefs we carry without realising
From a very young age, we begin learning about ourselves and the world around us.
We learn through our experiences, our relationships and the messages we receive from the people around us.
Some of those messages are helpful.
Others can leave us with beliefs that continue influencing us long after the original experiences have passed.
Perhaps you grew up believing that being a good girl meant being helpful, agreeable and never causing trouble.
Perhaps you learned that mistakes were something to be ashamed of.
Or that you needed to achieve something to feel worthy of praise.
Over time, these experiences can contribute to beliefs such as:
I’m not good enough.
I mustn’t disappoint people.
My needs aren’t as important as everyone else’s.
If I say no, people won’t like me.
I have to be perfect to be accepted.
And here’s the thing.
You might not even realise you’re carrying these beliefs.
Yet they can influence the choices you make every single day.
When people-pleasing becomes second nature
I can relate to this one personally.
For much of my life, I found myself adapting to the people around me.
I wanted people to like me.
I wanted to be accepted.
I didn’t want to upset anyone.
And sometimes that meant becoming the version of myself I thought other people wanted to see.
It can be exhausting, can’t it?
Constantly checking how other people feel.
Wondering whether you’ve said the right thing.
Trying to keep everybody happy.
And somewhere in the middle of all that, losing sight of what YOU actually want.
I think many women can relate to that feeling.
But when a behaviour has become familiar, even an uncomfortable pattern can feel easier than doing something different.
Why knowing isn’t always enough
Have you ever known exactly what you needed to do, but still found yourself unable to do it?
You know you need boundaries.
You know you shouldn’t worry so much about what other people think.
You know you deserve to feel confident.
But knowing something intellectually and feeling able to act on it can be two very different things.
Our habits are shaped by repeated experiences, emotional responses, expectations and the environments we’re in.
Some responses become so automatic that we barely notice them happening.
That’s why change often begins with curiosity rather than criticism.
Instead of asking:
“What’s wrong with me?”
Try asking:
“What might I have learned that makes this behaviour feel necessary?”
That question can open the door to a completely different understanding of yourself.
How RTT® fits into this
One of the things that drew me to Rapid Transformational Therapy was the opportunity to explore the beliefs and experiences that may sit beneath the behaviours we want to change.
RTT® combines elements of hypnosis and therapeutic approaches to help clients reflect on patterns, beliefs and emotional responses.
During a session, we explore what you want to change and the meanings you may have attached to past experiences.
The aim is to develop new perspectives and more helpful ways of responding.
For example, someone who struggles with people-pleasing might explore the belief that they must always make others happy to be accepted.
Someone experiencing low confidence might explore where their feelings of inadequacy began.
And someone who constantly strives for perfection might begin questioning the idea that their worth depends on getting everything right.
RTT® is not a guaranteed or instant solution, and the specific evidence for RTT® as a distinct therapy is limited. However, therapeutic reflection and hypnosis-based approaches may be helpful for some people, depending on their needs.
The important thing is recognising that a belief you’ve carried for years doesn’t automatically make it true.
My own experience of changing old beliefs
One of the biggest things I’ve learned through my own personal development is how much our beliefs can influence the way we see ourselves.
For years, I struggled with feelings of not being enough.
Not being confident enough.
Not being worthy enough.
Not wanting to be too visible.
And when you believe those things about yourself, it can affect so many areas of your life.
Your relationships.
Your confidence.
Your willingness to try something new.
Your ability to put yourself first.
Through my own experiences with RTT®, meditation and self-reflection, I’ve begun to challenge some of those old stories.
And I’ve learned something important.
I don’t have to keep being the person I once believed I had to be.
Neither do you.
Three questions to help you recognise a repeating pattern
If there’s something you keep doing that you’d love to change, try asking yourself these three questions.
When does this behaviour usually happen?
Is it when somebody asks you for a favour?
When you feel criticised?
When you meet new people?
When you’re afraid of disappointing someone?
Start noticing the situations that trigger the behaviour.
What am I afraid might happen if I behave differently?
Perhaps you’re afraid someone will be upset.
Perhaps you worry they’ll think you’re selfish.
Perhaps making a mistake feels frightening.
This question can help you understand what the behaviour might be protecting you from.
What would I like to believe instead?
If you’ve spent years believing that you must keep everybody happy, perhaps you’d like to begin believing:
“I can be kind and still have boundaries.”
If you’ve struggled with perfectionism:
“I can make mistakes and still be worthy.”
And if you’ve spent years doubting yourself:
“My thoughts, feelings and needs matter too.”
You don’t have to force yourself to believe these things overnight.
Change can take time, practice and support.
But recognising the pattern is a meaningful first step.
You are allowed to become someone new
Perhaps the most important thing I want you to take away from this is that you don’t have to keep living according to beliefs you formed years ago.
You are allowed to change.
You are allowed to have boundaries.
You are allowed to stop seeking everybody else’s approval.
And you are allowed to believe that you’re enough, exactly as you are.
Your past may have shaped you, but it doesn’t have to dictate every choice you make next.
Ready to explore what’s keeping you stuck?
At Equilibrium Body & Mind, I offer one-to-one RTT® sessions in Holmer Green, Buckinghamshire, and online via Zoom.
My RTT® package includes a personalised session, a recording designed to support your ongoing practice and 21 days of WhatsApp support.
If you recognise yourself in this article and feel ready to explore the beliefs and patterns that may be holding you back, I’d love to hear from you.
Or contact me for a confidential conversation about whether RTT® might be right for you.
With love,
Chloe xx
Equilibrium Body & Mind — Come Home to Yourself
RTT® is not a substitute for medical or psychological assessment or treatment. If you’re experiencing significant distress, trauma-related symptoms or mental health difficulties, speak with an appropriately qualified healthcare professional about suitable support.
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